There is no need to talk about it, because the truth in what one says lies in what one does.

he stands beside me but he’s further than the sun

you clinged to my body like you wanted it forever

what a lie

What is completely wrong about this is that you are hoping that fate and “meant to be’s” will do the work for you… for us. 

What more can I do? I am here fighting every single day. I am here holding my breath, and screaming at the pain, while your body’s autonomic system keeps you comfortably saturated. 

At 22 years old, I have no fucking idea how to handle living in this world. We are over-caffeinated, over-sweetened, sleep deprived, and constantly under pressure. Even after completing a bachelor’s degree, obtaining a full-time job, and even being lucky enough to go on a paid vacation, I still wake up feeling anxious and depressed every single day. I still feel like I’m not good enough for anything and no matter what milestone I achieve, it is never enough. But in reality, everyone is anxious and depressed. And we are stuck in this endless competition where we are tirelessly trying to prove to our peers and family via Instagram, Snapchat, and Facebook that we are less anxious and depressed than each other, but really this entire society is equally struggling to not get sucked into this foolish world we’ve stupidly and selfishly made for ourselves. I just don’t get the point… 

When will I wake up and realize that I was put on earth for more than to watch YT videos and scroll through fake news on Facebook? Life, for me, HAS TO mean more than this. Why are we, now more than ever, so motivated to simplify every aspect of our life? We want to get to A to B in minutes. We want our food MADE for us in less than 30 minutes, but we also expect the quality to be at least 4/5 stars on Yelp. We want the widest screens, the fastest LTE network, and the fanciest, cleanest looking smart watch. This is me. This is terrifying. 

I’m not completely sure what motivates me to wake up every day. I numb my realization of reality with the dopamine realized when I eat food (?)…. or something edible pumped full of who knows what chemicals/hormones that essentially control how I will feel and how I will grow. No doubt, I’ve been programmed to act in favour of money hungry businesses. I’m addicted to sugar instead of healthy food., I’m addicted to the amount of times people swipe right to me on Tinder instead of love. I’m addicted to notifications instead of real conversations. I’m addicted to being wanted by anyone instead of feeling something real. 

I’m lost. I have no fucking clue.

There is nothing glamorous about trying to convince someone to love you. I wish you could just see it, like how I saw it, and how I feel it every day. 

It isn’t because there is someone else, or something else, it is simply because it can’t be me.